The Wagon. [Blog]

By TJ | September 11, 2009

I’ve spent the past month trying to be super positive about everything going on.. and it has really helped, but in the past couple of days i have kind of slipped.

First of all.. the biggest confession - i drank the other night.

A friend came in from out of town so a few of us went out for dinner and then to a gay bar for drinks. I had not planned to drink.. i was quite happy to sit there and sip my soda.. but it just didn’t work out that way.
The bar was FULL of people.. and when your sober in a bar full of drunk pretty people who are all having a great time, you really start to feel left out.. well, i did.
Everyone was pissing me off.. and i thought that if i were drinking, i would be having fun too… So i did.
I drank a lot, and to top it all off, i smoked cigarettes too.. what a vision.. someone who has been running around for a month telling everyone who will listen that he no longer drinks - drinking and smoking the night away.

I hated myself the next day, not only cause my head hurt a LOT, but because i really felt i had let myself down. But i am not staying focussed on that now. I know i made a mistake, but i am not going to work myself into a state of depression about it. The wagon seriously needs safety belts installed! I jumped straight back on though and this is where i hope to stay. I’m only human.

In other news.. i slept with James last night.. WOOPS!
He had sent me a text asking if i want to hang out, and i replied that i doubt his new lover would like him seeing me. He then replied that they had broken up.. “Good” i wrote, “I hope it hurt”

yadda yadda yadda, somehow i wound up inviting him over to talk and then.. yeah.. hehe
But don’t worry.. I’m not going back to him. It was just one of those things.. i think everyone has sex with their ex at least once right?
I think it was just a bit of a comfort thing, for both of us.
I had been feeling lonely, and really missed having someone in my bed to hug.. i needed cuddles.. but hey.. i’m good now.
back on the sober, James free wagon..

Sometimes we fall down, but we have to jump straight back up again.